How to tell that an elderly neighbour needs help

You have lived nearby for years, you greet each other by the lift and you know which floor she lives on. Lately something has changed, but you cannot put your finger on what. This is where most people stop: it feels awkward to pry into someone else's life, and perhaps it just seemed so.

An elderly person who lives alone rarely asks first. Often they do not even consider their situation a trouble: “I'm getting by somehow, others live worse.” According to WHO, social isolation and loneliness affect about a quarter of elderly people and are among the main risk factors for mental health in later life.

Below is what can be seen from the side, without questions and without intrusion. No single sign proves anything. What should raise concern is their combination and the fact that they last not a day or two but weeks.

The mailbox. Flyers stick out, newspapers lie for several days, bills are not collected. For a person who went down for the post every day, this is a noticeable change.

Rubbish. A bag has been standing by the door for the second day, or the opposite: the rubbish is not taken out at all and a smell has appeared in the stairwell. Taking out the bin is the simplest job of the day, and it is the first to go when strength is gone.

Windows and light. In summer the windows are shut tight, the curtains are not opened, the flat is stuffy. Heat is dangerous for the elderly: WHO records that heat-related mortality among people over 65 rose by about 85% between 2000–2004 and 2017–2021. In the evening no light comes on in the window or, on the contrary, it burns round the clock.

The yard. A person has stopped going out to the bench or the shop, though for years they went out every day. Or they do go out, but more slowly now and hold on to the wall.

The same clothes for several weeks in a row, not for the season, with stains. Washing and ironing need strength and hot water, and they are often the first things given up. Weight loss usually goes with it: the cardigan hangs, the ring turns on the finger, the face has grown sharper. If you see the person every week, you will notice this sooner than the children who come once every six months.

Confusion. She asks the same thing twice in one conversation, does not remember whether she has had breakfast, gets lost on her own floor. This includes traces of falls: a bruise on the cheekbone or forearm, a cautious gait, a hand on the wall. Do not call it an illness and do not make diagnoses. Your job is to notice and tell those whose job it is.

Money can be seen from the doorway: a paper from the supplier, a debt sticker, a disconnection warning. Phrases like “I'm finishing my medicine”, “I split the tablet in half”, “I'll buy it when the pension comes” mean the medicine is already gone. A fridge holding bread, oil and tea means the same about food.

She borrows small sums before the pension and repays them to the day. She refuses to come visiting because she “has nothing to bring”. Shame often gets in the way: asking aloud turns out to be harder than enduring.

Do not start with “do you need help?”. The answer will almost always be “no, thank you, I have everything”. It is not pride, it is protection.

Give a reason. “I'm going to the shop, shall I get you something, I'm carrying anyway.” “I have a spare carton of milk, would you take it?” A small favour that is easy to accept creates the right to a second conversation.

Ask about something specific: is there bread, will the tablets last to the end of the month, is there anything to pay for gas. To a general “how are you” you will get “fine” and nothing more.

Do not bring three strangers at once, do not film on your phone and do not offer money in the first days. Instead agree on a connection: exchange numbers and say that you will come up and ring the doorbell if she does not pick up the phone.

Write down what you managed to find out: the full name, the flat number, whether she has relatives and their phone number, whether anyone from social services visits her. This will be useful to both the ambulance and the social worker.

First the simple explanations: she went to her daughter's, she is asleep, she cannot hear the bell, her phone has run out of charge. Walk round the building and look at the windows, ask the neighbours on the floor, look for the relatives' phone numbers.

There are signs you cannot wait on: post piling up for several days in a row, a groan or a call heard from behind the door, a smell of gas, water leaking, a window wide open in frost, a light on for a third day with no movement behind the curtain.

Then call. 102 is the police, 101 the rescue service, 103 the ambulance, 104 the emergency gas service. These numbers still work, and alongside them is the single number 112: it connects the call to all four services and works round the clock across the whole country.

This is not “bothering people for nothing”. Rescuers do enter such flats: in August 2026 in Vinnytsia emergency workers got into a flat through a balcony window because an elderly woman felt unwell and could not reach the door, and handed her over to medics. Do not break the door yourself and do not climb along balconies: this is the job of those who have the right and the equipment.

The Law “On Social Services” does not require the person to apply themselves. Article 19 directly names, among the grounds, applications and notifications by other persons in the interests of those who need social services. That is, a neighbour has the right to notify the authorised body of their community, and this is not informing but a route provided by law.

The deadlines are set in Article 21 of the same law. The decision to provide or refuse is taken within 10 working days of receiving the application, appeal or notification. If the service must be provided urgently, the decision is taken immediately, no later than one day.

Then the territorial centre of social services gets involved. The list of home care services includes buying and delivering groceries and medicine, cleaning, laundry, help with washing and dressing, and accompanying to hospital. The service is not given to everyone: a medical opinion is needed, and a condition in which the person cannot look after themselves. The conditions are administered by local communities, so in another city the list may differ.

Before the call, put together what you have seen and name it specifically: how many days the post has not been collected, whether the person has left the flat, what they said about medicine. “She seems unwell” is hard to act on; “has not been out for the third week and says the medicine has run out” can be acted on. If you do not know whom to call in your city, the government hotline 1545 works around the clock, calls from Ukrainian mobiles and Ukrtelecom are free, and appeals are passed to the authority with the competence.

The state service does not cover everything, and charities of different kinds work alongside it. The Real Help fund, for example, buys groceries and medicine every month for lonely elderly people and delivers them by hand through helpers: 100 people are in its care, a full month of care for one person costs ≈ $111, and sponsors chip in together.

Regularity matters more than size. A pack of groceries on the same day every week is more useful than a car boot of help once a year, because it can be relied on and a pension can be planned around it.

Agree on a signal. A call every evening at eight. Or more simply: “if at nine in the morning the curtain is not drawn back, I will come up and ring the doorbell”. The point of such an agreement is that it shortens the time: not “someday someone will notice”, but tomorrow morning.

And do not promise what you cannot deliver. A person who has got used to relying on you will find your disappearance harder to bear than your absence from the start. If you do not have the strength for constant help, tell someone else in the stairwell about the neighbour and take the matter to social services.